For more than 5 years I defined myself as agoraphobic, from now on I’m a recovering agoraphobic, I’m in the healing process, I’ll have setbacks, I’ll have good days and I’ll bad days, but I don’t want to define myself as an illness, yes, I do have an illness but I’m not my illness, I’m recovering from it, it will take time, effort and lot of struggle, because it’s an everyday struggle, every situation is a struggle, but I’m willing to experience the discomfort in order to recover.
Do not define yourself by fear.
Durante más de 5 años me he definido a mí misma como agorafobica (a diferencia de lo que la mayoría de la gente piensa, agorafobia no es miedo a los espacios abiertos, es el miedo al miedo, que nace por haber experimentado ataques de pánico muy fuertes), a partir de ahora soy una agorafobica en proceso de curación, me estoy recuperando, tendré recaídas, tendré días buenos y tendré días malos, pero no quiero definirme a mí misma como una enfermedad, sí, tengo una enfermedad pero no soy mi enfermedad, me estoy recuperando, me llevará tiempo, esfuerzo y lucha, cada día es un esfuerzo, cada situación es un esfuerzo, pero esoty dispuesta a encontrarme mal y pasarlo mal para poder recuperarme.
No te definas por el miedo.
Comparison does not and never will reveal truth. By comparing things, you are reducing them to something that can be compared.
For example, comparing two cars. You reduce those vehicles to their miles per gallon, interior/exterior design, engine capabilities, and so on. People choose different cars for different reasons, depending on what they are looking for. Therefore the comparison of cars isn’t to actually determine which car is objectively “better” but rather which best suits your needs.
However, what about someone who really loves cars? They might argue that a vehicle is more than the sum of its parts. Sometimes driving a shitty pickup down a country road can be more beautiful than cruising through town in a mercedes. A car lover may recognize that vehicles have personalities and qualitative traits subjective to the experiencer.
And that’s just talking about inanimate objects. What about living beings?
When you compare yourself to others, you are reducing yourself to societal/habitual definitions of success, intelligence, beauty, and so on. Not only that, but you are reducing the person to which you are comparing yourself as well. The whole act of such comparison takes the living phenomenon of humanness and turns it into some dead thing composed of various parts.
So to address the essence of your question, I see two important elements of which to be mindful:
1. Looking outside yourself in order to know who you are.
2. Using justifications for your own worth and existence.
These two conflicts are sadly common in this world, regardless of culture. I’ll address each briefly in turn.
1. “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” ~ Carl Jung
Who you are cannot be known or measured. Living beings are not simply computers meant to serve some sort of purpose or role. Sentient beings have a living presence, something no car or object can have.
To know everything about “yourself” but still not live in and from that conscious presence is to know nothing at all. But in knowing that living presence, which means consciously being that presence, there is nothing left to be known.
No comparison will ever reveal who you actually are, just some temporary and relative position in time and space. If someone’s prettier than you, wait fifty years and see if you still think so. Or wait a hundred years and gaze upon their corpse.
What do you want: To satisfy your mind’s insecurities in search of happiness or to cease seeking happiness on your insecurities’ terms?
2. You are here because the Earth wanted you here.
You are not here for your parents, not for this society, not for your peers, and not for any grand purpose which you must fulfill or be a failure.
In the light of the Sun’s selfless love, the Earth spontaneously creates, supports, and cycles living systems.
If you use looks to justify your existence and worth, then you will be limited to the lifetime of your looks in order to be happy. Bad hair days, aging, and the like will be permanently limiting factors on your happiness and sanity.
The same goes for intelligence, success, and whatever other qualities we may value. Everything that begins will also end. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t bother starting things and seeing them through, playing the game of society. Rather, it means we need to be able to do so without looking to the game and its results to give us something we lack.
I strongly recommend the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It will give you even more insights on these common misperceptions and conditioned habits while offering practical techniques of mindfulness to meet them.
Once you begin to value peace and happiness more than your reasons for being peaceful or happy, you will know freedom from the mind.
Namaste sis :) Much love